The thing is, even if I want it, I am not brave enough to fight for it. And I'll just force myself and tell myself I don't really want it anyway.
What is wrong with me? Can't I for once fight for something I want and believe in?
Maybe not, cause I'm born a chicken like that. I've decided to do what I always do, run and avoid. I might regret but that's the only thing I think is rational and right to do.
Perhaps it's because I'm always telling myself, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything good happening to me. When will I stop torturing myself like this?