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Monday, March 12, 2007

Growing Up

No, you will not see bombastic words from this post unlike those in Cheng Ling's blog though the title is the same. Its sama tetapi tak serupa. Mine would be rather plain just like any other post as I have horrible vocab and I don't want to make things worst by using the wrong words at the wrong time. XD So back to the topic, growing up.

I am sure everyone has the fair share of what I feel. The feeling of losing people you thought will always be there, the feeling of being an adult *close*, the feeling of having the power to decide your own future *with parents and sisters chipping in once in a while*, the feeling of in control when you don't want to. I mean how I wish I don't have to choose in life. That God will just give me anything whether I like it or not. Although I may protest and demand for the right to choose when that happens but at least I don't have to worry and think so much of future, of what I want to be. At least I can still lead a happy-go-lucky life without having mood-swings every time I have something in my head. Those friends that I always see in school, those friends who were so close to me *literally la. They are in next class only XD * ,you don't see them around that much anymore. On the other hand, those friends whom I spend my Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year, Birthday, Sports Day, Holiday, and almost any free day with, these people are drifting apart and it is almost impossible to meet them during such occasions because they would probably be too busy or already have the other half and you can't simply demand an outing from them,can you?

Then we have to choose for our future path. The choice is in our hand and we are being spoilt with so many choices. The hard thing is, all these choice are not-bad choices, they are so good that at times, you can't choose because you are too worried of what your choice will bring you to. You will start thinking of the "what ifs" even though there are very good choices available. Like what if they stop needing people in this industry? I will die of hunger and such. Every single thing is now a burden to you that you wish you can have a day without having to think and choose. Just a relaxing day at the beach with a tropical juice in your hand but again, you will have to choose which beach to be at and which drink you want. Life is about making choices and live with it huh? Being a 17 year old teen and a 18 year old one has so much difference you can't even believe that you have to change in just days. I mean when you were in Form 5 , you will play like there's no tomorrow, your friends will be around and there's less thinking to do. But when you are 18, people leave and you have to choose whether to go back for Form 6 or colleges. And suddenly, you feel that the friendship ties got loosen. You stop talking to your friends as often as you used to. They got their new friends and you got yours. Deep inside, you still want to keep in touch with them and hope for the same ol' friendship you once had.

Then it comes to going out. Plans rarely work out basically because they have their other half and you often get ppk-ed even when you only had few days of holidays. Sad isn't it? But that is life. Life gets worst when you are sent to a state where you know none of the people there and you have to start making friends all over again. Those moments I dare not even think of. I mean I admit I am talkative and bubbly but I don't do that until I got to know someone. For instance, going to tuition, I never initiate a conversation with anyone without my friends around. Meaning, I won't talk to someone I have never met unless I have people I know around me. I just can't bring myself to it. I just turn wild with my close friends. I remember going to tuition and sit at one corner, not talking, just sit there and keep quiet all the time. Until I saw someone I know and she started talking to me. Then I talked but it was rather little if compared to my ability to speak of anything under the sun. Imagine, an extrovert people like me have problems talking to people when I don't have my clique with me, what more introvert people like our beloved Shan Shan? Hah, she might have hidden powers and you will not know it, right Shan? XD

Life is not a bed of roses. No matter how much I am complaining now,I am sure when that time comes, I will still have to face it and within months, I will get so used to it, I began to dread the feeling of losing it once again. I see people having fun in universities and I don't want to lose out on this. I will have my fair share of fun time I guess. I guess now I can only think back of all those wonderful moments I had, having beach day, birthday parties, making birthday cards, hotel stays, lepak, RF, and just chill with my buddies. I mean those with boyfriends stopped celebrating their birthdays with us. And some with birthday plans but we just don't have time to spend with them due to school and probably some laziness. You can shoot me on the head for that. Complain so much but when there's plan, somemore dare to say lazy and lots of excuses. It sucks but life goes on and I am sure one day, we will get together once again. Just sitting next to each other and laugh at the good ol' times we once had. I am looking forward for wedding invitations from each and everyone of you alright? Never keep Ping Ping off your wedding invitation list. XD

ps: Yes, I am emo lately Shan, but that doesn't give you any rights to call me EmoPing because I am not emo as often as you are. So no EmoPing. Plus, EmoShan sound much nicer. So live with it and learn to love it, just like how you are loving the Miss Limewire title.

4 comments:

Pao Pao said...

hey,
that was an interesting post..well..after F5 everyone will reach that stage..it's a bit like identity searching stage or..future planning stage..
It's tough and we can't blame ourselves for being worried about the decision we have to make..which would probably wat we have to live with for the rest of our lives...
But...dun worry coz things changes with time...and even though we plan real hard..if it's not meant to be...we won't end up there..(that's what i think)
and about moving to a new state..how bad can it be?? imagine me moving to a new country..hahha it may be a bit hard at first but trust me..u are gonna love it and remember..all these will make ur life more beautiful..so it's fine to once in a while look back and miss the good old days..but there will be many many more good new days to come..
and don't worry that u can't meet up with ur frens...like me..after leaving school for 6 years..i am still as close as ever with my bunch of close girlfrens..so..just keep in touch and they will sure make the effort to meet up..even if they ppk..they will eventually turn up..
happy growing up and love u..muaks

Ping Ping said...

yea, thinking back, you had much harder life back then. Che was worst. I am just being a grown up baby who is whining and complaining bout life. Yea, good ones will stay. I believe in that. =) I am sure uni life will be a true eye-opener for me since I have never stepped out of house, out of the place I know and out of the state to really settle down in some other places. Who knows I might be in USM or anywhere else? Right now, my duty is to study for this coming exam and do my best. Then the rest, we will leave it to God to decide huh? I guess thinking too much is damaging my braincells. I should be studying for exam, not working my brains on these stuff. Love you too sis. Hope to see you soon in NZ. Bring me around and please, spoil me. =)

Anonymous said...

Ey why my name is there???some introvert...haihz....
btw growing up fr 1-2 isnt da same growing up fr 17-18...is totally diff..as we grew older ppl tend 2 leave us n our relationship wif some frens are fallin apart...is rather hard 2 mantain the friendship flame when we are apart from each other..
yalo...everyting is like destined...we cant change it actually..juz let it be n hope for the best...

-aH sHaN-

Ping Ping said...

shan: I was just kidding with the introvert part la..though u dun tell me u talk a lot with people you barely know. We same school oso we never talk b4 okay?? U only talk to me this year. And that's because we got to know each other better. XD Anyway, itz really true bout how much difference growing up from 1-2 than 17-18. It's like heaven and hell. How I wish they are the same and everything remains the same. Things just have to move on whenever you began to feel comfortable. Its always like that huh? Guess there's nothing we can do bout it other than loving it then. =)