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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

The Weather

Inspired by Shan Shan's 'The Weather'

Sitting right here, in front of my computer, my speaker is on full blast. I guess this is the only way I can get myself away from the world. The world of lots of problems and no one to share with. When I look out of the window, everything is pitch black. No stars in sight. Perhaps I am blinded from all the good things in the world. The moon is always alone. Alone in the dark. Some may find it beautiful,enchanting. But me? I only see loneliness and unconditional sacrifices. Why? Why is it that somehow, someone will have to play that part? To be lonely and yet have to sacrifice so much.

Lately, I am back to the moody me. In fact, I actually enjoyed today. I spent less time talking and more time by myself. Although there's nothing going through my mind at that time, I just didn't feel like talking. I hate the sun. I hate the burning sensation on me. In sun, I sense anger. I sense dissatisfaction. Human are never satisfied. Some may think that sun is a very beautiful thing. Be it sunrise or sunset. Almost everyone loves them. Perhaps I am being pessimistic. When everyone are enjoying the sight of sunrise, I can only think of the problems I have to face and all the pretentious act I have to put up. Sunset however does not mean that it is the end of another problematic day to me. It somehow means I will face the loneliness the moon brings.



Beach, with gentle wind blowing on our face, we can easily find peace in it. And if you think I am not liking it, guess what? You are right. Beach, a very beautiful place to be in when you have the right crowd. It is not the beach, but the crowd. Lately I feel more and more drifted away from the people I used to be close to. I might be thinking too much and I admit, I am overly sensitive. I get angry over petty stuff and I get angry because people think I should not be angry over small things like that. Sometimes I feel that my feelings is not being cared for. When there is sun, people will enjoy going out to the beach and say how much they love it. But when it gets too hot, they blame the sun for shining so brightly. Is it even the sun's fault? The rising temperature is not because of the sun but because of the act of these people. The sun is just doing her part. I am more than just a sun. I am a very emotional sun. I feel unimportant, ALL THE TIME. I feel that people do not care about my feelings. Then I will ask myself. Will I do the same thing when this thing happens to me? At times, when my answers are yes, I will just shut up and forget about it. However, when I am positive that I will not treat them like this, I will think, is this all worth it? Will they take me for granted like how they take the sun for granted? At times I feel that people do not treat me like how they treat others. There might be two people doing the same thing. Me and another person. People will find that person cute and funny whereas for me? I am plain annoying, irritating and silly. I feel foolish. I feel hurt. It is not because I am jealous because everyone react differently to things I do if compared to other people. Maybe I was. But I was more hurt because I felt stupid. Why me? Why must it be me?

I was told that I should treat people they way I want them to treat me. I lost hope in that already. Perhaps I was wrong. All the bad guys get the best thing isn't it? They die of old age and not of some disease that bring them away from their beloved family a little too soon. Good guys die early. Is it because life is nothing but suffering? I keep a lot of things to myself. I am afraid to open up anymore. I am tired.

Note: This was actually inspired by Shan Shan's post. However, as I type on, emotions took over and it became a very emotional post. But I am trying to show how much different my vocabulary is compared to Shan Shan's. So much less flowery not because I love simplicity but because I have limited vocabulary.


3 comments:

-sHaN sHaN- said...

Haha..emo ping...
let's blog about some other things nw..lolx...
ur turn to inspire me....

Ping Ping said...

i dun inspire people. =P U inspire me to blog a new one. I blog something else instead. Come, a topic will you?

-sHaN sHaN- said...

Nono...kenot like dat eh...
lolx...fair and square mah...
ur turn...faster inspire me...