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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Wall up

Had this great short talk with a friend and YES! Need my wall up.

I guess lately I've been thinking of installing a window, just to see how's the world outside after 4 years of carefully putting up brick by brick, layers and layers of cement.

Even thinking of installing a door to welcome people in. But I installed a window for people to look in.

And I'm feeling insecure now. Got myself some brick and slowly putting them back.

Am I ready for people to come in and mess up my house again?

Is this person a hygienic person who'll clean up his own mess or not mess up my place?

Is he even willing to come in and have a seat? I don't know. And Ping Ping hates uncertainties.

Uncertainties top in her hate list.

*slowly drawing herself out* kthxbye.

Remind self :

You were once a strong wall that I lean on whenever I feel weak. I relied on you to boost my confidence, to acknowledge my existence and to support me. I relied on you so much that whenever something happened, I will run to you for support. Then one day, without warnings or signs or whatsoever, you walked away and I fall hard. I fell so hard, I couldn't stand up on my own. It took me courage, strength and determination to slowly find myself back and stood proudly on my own two feet. I told myself that I will not lean completely on a wall ever again. I've been more cautious on the steps I take, the walls I put my hands on and the road I choose. Even if you look like a strong wall once again, I swear I will never lay my hands on you.

May 2007

Found a better wall to lean on ever since. A wall that will not crumble on me, a wall that will stay firm.

ps: Pardon me for swearing at that time. I was a young girl =P

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