Maybe, it's not so bad

after getting it out. =)

Ok fine. I didn't exactly let it out, but it felt like I did. Does that count?

It was a good day.

Happy Independence Day.

<3 the island girl

It's back

Do not trust me to go to the market (or anywhere at all) without coming back with something.

I thought I killed those shopping bugs but they are still lingering around, waiting for the right time to reappear.

T_T I bought clothes in Tesco, I bought shoes in the market. Seriously, I can buy wherever I go.

Need to stop this or I will have to find a job. Or get a rich husband. I think the former is easier.

Gonna label it as things I should remember lest I forget. One day, if I'm like super poor or something, I'm gonna look back at this and say, "Serve you right Ping!!".

But I love my shoe. /shy. *wave to shoe*

It's complicated

How now brown cow?

Getting more and more complicated. Need to untangle this or I myself will get caught in there too.

It was just an innocent crush. What did I get myself into again?

God of my dry bones

There are times I felt that I'm so wounded, so scarred, it's impossible to be healed again.

And God is telling me again and again, nothing is impossible for Him.

I told myself it's impossible for me to tear down my wall, just to let people trample all over me, take advantage of me and then leave me to clear the mess.

It has happened for way too many times, one can't help but to think, aiya, impossible one la.

Whack my head for thinking that. =) God will heal. God knows our pains, He knows. Someone once told me, Ping, stop running away. Stop living in denial. Stop making yourself believe that you are okay when you are not.

I guess today is one of those days, I really am tired of running away, of hiding myself, of telling myself it's impossible. It's one of those days I believe that God can heal me. That He can bring back life to my dry bones, even when people have suck out every single living cells in it.

I thought I know what I was doing

Maybe I don't. I don't know anymore.

It's getting harder to read minds, not that I can in the first place.

Seems like all of us are reading it wrongly.

I'm tired of this guessing game.

Pulling out. It is too deep, I don't think I can do it.

Or maybe I'm just tired today.

*hide in the room (in my heart cause I have a freaking class now).

_____________________________________________________________

*bang head on the wall*

Ok, emo moments over. =) Chirpy Ping is back.

明知我爱你 MV - 龚芝怡 Serene Koong

And it's never easy. Loving this song now. If only... Nevermind.

Welcome home

*breathes* Yep. The smell of home.

Finally home, to roll on springy bed and watch television. And download emo chinese love songs.

I'm home. Saw Charlie the bug, yep, totally home.

=)

________________________________________________________

I really hope you know what you are doing. /pats

From awesome

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads.


Afraid. Confused. Without a road map.

The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.

Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.

But once in a while people push on to something better.

Something found just beyond the pain of going at it alone.

And just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in.

Or to give someone a second chance.

Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream.

Because it's only when you're tested, that you truly discover who you are.

And it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you can be.

The person you want to be does exist.

Somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief

.... and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead.

By Peyton Sawyer



To Awesome.

♥ + *hugs*

Wall up

Had this great short talk with a friend and YES! Need my wall up.

I guess lately I've been thinking of installing a window, just to see how's the world outside after 4 years of carefully putting up brick by brick, layers and layers of cement.

Even thinking of installing a door to welcome people in. But I installed a window for people to look in.

And I'm feeling insecure now. Got myself some brick and slowly putting them back.

Am I ready for people to come in and mess up my house again?

Is this person a hygienic person who'll clean up his own mess or not mess up my place?

Is he even willing to come in and have a seat? I don't know. And Ping Ping hates uncertainties.

Uncertainties top in her hate list.

*slowly drawing herself out* kthxbye.

Remind self :

You were once a strong wall that I lean on whenever I feel weak. I relied on you to boost my confidence, to acknowledge my existence and to support me. I relied on you so much that whenever something happened, I will run to you for support. Then one day, without warnings or signs or whatsoever, you walked away and I fall hard. I fell so hard, I couldn't stand up on my own. It took me courage, strength and determination to slowly find myself back and stood proudly on my own two feet. I told myself that I will not lean completely on a wall ever again. I've been more cautious on the steps I take, the walls I put my hands on and the road I choose. Even if you look like a strong wall once again, I swear I will never lay my hands on you.

May 2007

Found a better wall to lean on ever since. A wall that will not crumble on me, a wall that will stay firm.

ps: Pardon me for swearing at that time. I was a young girl =P

Dreaming much?

One of those dreams that you do not want to wake up.

Or perhaps I'm just tired.

Sometimes I wish this dream is real. It feels real to me. Some is saying that it's not a dream, some is saying, don't put your hopes high.

Well, if dream is the best I can get, I shall treasure and hold on to that.

Each time I feel that I'm happily floating in the air, I'll get snap back to reality.

Welcome home, they say. Welcome home.

ps: On the contrary, I'm HAPPY to go home. Away from home for.......2 weeks *hide* don't throw rocks at me, look at their poor lil face, it hurts them as much as it hurts me.

Home + Family = ♥

Steamboat craving satisfied

*rubs tummy* chicken ball overdose.

Laughter overdose.

Fear overdose (of guards that will ronda bangunan).

Sleep deprived.

But still, ♥.

It was random, but it happened. For once.

Now I got something crazy that I've done in uni life that I can fill in the blanks.

Thanks for the four other awesome people who joined me in this craze.

Stop misleading me

It kills inside when that someone you secretly likes mislead you with 1001 things.

And you really want to crawl into his/her mind to find out what's really running inside there.

Knowing very well that you'll never be able to do that, it kills, slowly but surely.

And he/she goes on to mislead you.

If you don't mean it, stop it. Really. We appreciate that.

Life is a neverending learning process

Learnt today that guys will always be guys and no matter how close you are with them, you just cannot treat them like they are your girl friends. You need to be careful of what you say, what you do and how close you are with them.

We are still living in the era where it's not okay for a girl and a guy be good buddies without getting stares and whispers from people, where a girl and a guy are impossible to be JUST friends.

Sometimes it's so tiring living according to what people think and what people say. But this is life. Life is not just about us. Life includes many other people in it and so, I guess, it's okay if we feel restricted. We are not living on our own sweet little island.

Note to self, talk less to guys, it saves lots of troubles.

Raindrops keep falling on my head

2nd week of not being a PBSM.

=) Friend has been bugging me and asking me why I'm still here. I actually got things to do. Yup, Ping Ping actually chooses to stay here and not go back. Ok la, probably part of the reason is that I'm afraid of driving home la.

Afternoon was emo hour. Got over it and now I'm bubbly and jumpy again. Can't wait to camwhore tomorrow =)

Been raining like mad since yesterday night. And my bed got wet again. *drags bed away from window* I DID NOT WET MY BED K? The rain did. I is a good girl with strong bladder.

Have to be awake at 6am tomorrow morning. *crawls to bed* Nice weather to sleep in too. *tuck self into bed*

Night night.

Crushed

One day I'm so hopeful about life, so positive about everything

and suddenly, the next day, I'm on the verge of crying and telling myself I'm good for nothing and useless.

It's all about self-confidence. I allow people to define me. I allow people to tell me if I'm pretty or ugly, smart or stupid, capable or incapable. I allow people to go into my brain and tell me nasty things.

I am easily discourage, hard to encourage. Because I never believe in myself. I miss Uncle Sunny. I miss someone telling me I'm smart even when I don't feel I am.

Time to turn to the BIG MAN up there, He knows why He create me and I'm not created out of accident or out of pure fun. I was created because He knows what's my purpose. He enables me to do things. The moment I tell myself I cannot do it, I'm telling people and myself that God is not able to guide me to do it.

*wipes tears* =)

Perhaps

Just maybe,

There's someone out there who is the only exception for me.

Who gives me enough courage to risk it again.

To risk getting hurt, to risk being vulnerable.

Maybe God IS writing the best love story for me.

It feels great to feel hopeful for once.

To have hope for things instead of brushing off any hope and positive vibes people keep trying to inject into my life.

To doubt what people say and think of the most negative aspect of every single positive thing said.

Maybe it's time to stop torturing myself like this.

Maybe I am good for something too. God DID create me so I guess I must be good for something that He took the trouble to create me, right?

=)

I learnt

Today I learnt,

not to pour water down the little drain cause it might wet people's clothes.

T_T I'm sorry. I did not mean to do it. *beat hand*

Driving

brings out the crazy side of me.

People are scared. So to scare people, I just have to fetch them. =)

That sounds fun. Okay then. =P

Cheeky mode OFF, Nostalgic mode ON.

Miss those days when I'll sit in the car with my mum and she'll drive me to school or anywhere, and we'll sing in the car as we have no radio.

"Darling you can count on me
'Til the sun dries up the sea
Until then I'll always be
Devoted to you

I'll be yours through endless time
I'll adore your charms sublime
Guess by now you know that I'm
Devoted to you

I'll never hurt you I'll never lie
I'll never be untrue
I'll never give you reason to cry
I'd be unhappy if you were blue

Through the years my love will grow
Like a river it will flow
It can't die because i"m so
Devoted to you"

I wish I can faster master the art of driving and drive my mum around. And sing this with her. And if by God's will do I get married and have kids, I want to sing this song with them in the car. I love my mummy.

ps: Miss having mummy making me sing my Annie's song. ♥

Mask down

I'm stressed and scared. I think I've subject myself too much to people's opinions and criticisms. I know all that matters is God but it's so hard to not be bothered of what people will think. Or if it's not good enough, what will people think? Will people think I'm not prepared? Will people think I did not put my best?

Wait a minute. Count the number of times I mention the word 'people' and the number of times I mention 'God'. I need to get myself together and pray that God will guide me to plan this. It's supposed to be a fun outing where we gather God's people together and welcome them to our PKA family but now it's stressing me out. Am I losing the point here?

I don't know. =( All I know is that I don't enjoy it as much now. Need to find back my purpose of doing all these.

Mask up again. It's tiring but it's easier.

these girls are ♥

What will life be if I've not met them? Well, I wouldn't want to know the answer.

♥

Dreaming of our prince charming. I think mine is kinda cute, Diana's is a bit scary and June's just plain boring. =P Look at our expression. It's either I act best or their prince charming is not really charming after all. =P

My friends are so cute, I ♥ them. =)

Our one and only group picture but major ♥

Why do we always end up with same face? But ♥

Look at my greedy face. And Diana's super cute busuk face. =) *busuk face means face you do when you smell something funny. Not her face busuk. She very wangi one*

I do sad face. They say cute. Haih, even my students say cute. I guess I shall just be garang.

The art of camwhoring is that you can make yourself look as though you are not camwhoring.

The main reason we gather. Side reason is WE MISS EVERYONE!!

And June has been photobombing me the entire night. First with the penguin tissue, now with her own face.

I was telling my friend that these friends I know here is MUCH different from anyone else I've met in uni. Apart from them (except my family), there's is no one I can wrap my arms around or cling onto throughout the whole mall and still feel it's okay doing so. You know who you are. I ♥ the fact that we will automatically open up space for each other to slide our hands through our arms to walk arms in arms. And laugh at one another's joke and lameness and then create more. Even if we've not met for a long time, this still remains.

Thank you girls for the great day out. I needed it. It's just different to be out with you girls.

And the ones who are enjoying in UK, COME BACK QUICK. And the one in Sabah, waiting for you to come back for Raya!!! And the one in KL, come back or we'll forget you =P

♥ Ping Ping

ps: It's so funny when Diana said all of you were afraid of me back in high school cause I was always emo-nemo and garang-garang and I sang to her Amazing Grace with super terrible voice to annoy her. But she's not annoyed. I think I need to do it to Win. kekeke.

Mood swings

Raining heavily outside. Best to sleep in and just do nothing but roll on the bed. Had a terrible week I would say. I would love to blame it on PMS (which could be partially true) but I think deep down inside, I know it's me. It's just me. I guess it's easy to go out and meet people when you do it out of your free time and hard to go out and meet people knowing that it's a duty.

I missed being the carefree person who'll visit people and walk around USM like it's a mall. I really wish the passion will come back and not hide behind my tasks and responsibilities. I'm glad to have friends around me to pull me up when I'm down though.

Anyways, I have been BUSY BUSY BUSY, so much so that my roommates and neighbours started telling me that it's so hard to see me in my room nowadays.

I wished I can stay in too and not go out to see people. But it's my last year and there's a lot of things I need to do. I enjoyed my time being around my friends but I guess deep down, I need alone time. I need time that I can do things at my own pace, walk at my own pace and just be carefree. Has been a long time since I last admire the beauty of God's creation while walking to class. I guess that's what I need instead of running to one place to another and rushing to settle one thing after another.

And....I can finally blog!!!

I feel loved

and you know who you are. =) On days like this, one just can't continue to wallow in self-pity and hate self for anything at all because there's so many other people loving you and being there for you.

Above all, He had it worst but He still did it for me, why can't I do the same?

It's always a bliss to be in His arms.