A thorn in the heart

after reading emo shan and cheng ling's blog,i realize how my blog is such a crap..itz so crappy,i dun even know wat my blog is all about..they have like draft one u noe?they write in class or when they are bored then they post up..and me?i just sit down and start typing away with no point,no aim,horrible english and waste of time..Y cant i write perfect blog like them?Mayb I shud..so ok..i shall start a new paragraph with serious topic... =) wait a minute..i am not good with serious topics..i crap a lot and i am very scared when i have to speak good english and be serious..this is freaking me out...lol..

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I am always onlining and talking to friends from all over the world and seriously, I met some very wonderful friends while some are just touch and go. Some will make me feel sad if they are unhappy or having problems while some, I don't even know what is happening to them. There are of course friends that I know in real life who is also my online friend and always ever ready to listen to me babbling away all my problems that are not problems at all. They are usually a bunch of craps that I am not satisfied about and I just wanna talk it out.

There are also friends that I know from online friends that eventually becomes my good friend and sometimes more than a good friend, a good god brother. There is this particular person that drives me crazy worrying bout him because of what is happening and his now-you-see-me-now-you-don't habit. He can appear and disappear with no reason and no explanation whatsoever. He might not know that he is driving his friends and family crazy but he really is. At times it makes people lose hope or reason to be worried as he has been always fine but somehow,the fear is still there and it makes people's mind wander about hoping that everything is just as fine as it used to be. Why can't he be a little more responsible and just make sure people know that he is fine and in the pink of health? Perhaps he thinks that we should not care so much and we should just leave him alone. But hey,i am not that kind of friend ok??the tilik nasib ppl oso say i like to care bout ppl's thing..but that's my nature and i am so not gonna change it... >:-(

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Suddenly I feel like talking about this serious love stuff. Hope you don't mind and endure with me for few more minutes. Thinking that you have feeling for someone you know and chatted with a lot is kinda normal..and at times,u might not know what you really feel.. Is it really love or is it just because it is already a routine for you to chat and share everything with him that if you fail to do it one day, you will feel that something is missing? Love is something we cannot define with words. At times you will unconciously liking someone that you never thought you would. You may write down a list of characteristics that you like in a guy just to find out that "hey, actually I like dark guys instead of fair one" after you thought you met someone you like. You can change the whole list as though it doesn't matter whether he is the one or not. You may put down all those model-like features and you don't care even if out of 10,there is only 1 point that he matches because you would be thinking of that 1 point and forget the other 9. That is love. Love is blind. No one believes that love is blind until they themselves experience it. Have your friends ever cancel plans with you just because her boyfriend or his girlfriend is not in a good mood and they just wanna spend time with them? Or have your friends leave early from an event just because his girlfriend called and wanted to see him? Well, I have my fair share for this type of incidents and it became a normal thing because I might do the same if I were in their shoes.

And in reply to someone's post (I am not very sure who.), will you choose someone whom you love very much but he doesn't love you as much as you love him or will you just choose someone who loves you more than you love him? I would choose the latter. I am a selfish person that I rather be loved than loving someone. No doubt loving someone is a great feeling but I am sure being loved is a better feeling. You will get hurt if you love someone too much but you will never get hurt if you love him less. Love comes with happiness but also lots of heartache and headache. When you care for someone and he don't care less, will you still be happy? Of course to love someone and being love is a great feeling if it comes in pairs, but tell me, how many perfect love story is there in the relationships that you know of? Love can grow with time, whether it grow stronger or fades away, it still changes with time. So why not you try loving that person after you have already be together?as long as he loves u more rite? Its selfish huh? But hey,that's what I think. When I see my friend loving their boyfriends until at one point,they lose themselves, I feel that it is wrong. It is just plain wrong. Perhaps you will say I never love someone before and therefore,it appears wrong to me. But to me, I believe that if that guy is in love with you, there is no reason for him to try to change you. Of course if its for the better,its another story. But he will certainly not cut you out from your friends, stop you from doing something you like and just expect you to live with the standard he sets. If that's how he thinks, he might as well play the Sims or something whereby he can control every single thing. Besides, I feel that girls should not lose themselves just because they are in love with a guy. They must have their strong stand and decide for themselves. Even if she will get hurt from that choice, she must choose for her future, for something she thinks is more worth it. Call me weird but guys are never the 1st priority in my life. My list goes from family, studies,future,friends and lastly guys. And again, you shall argue with me base on my never-love-a-guy-before experience. =)