Plan gagal

well..i am supposed to go to play badminton with the bentengs today but bcuz everyone is busy and noone is free to send me,i ended up changing into my house clothes... once again,i wore the go out baju then only they tell me that i hv to forget the plan as no one is free to fetch me..at this moment,i hate myself for not able to drive myself there..at times i really feel that i am not important..but then again,i cant expect ppl to hang around and wait to fetch me go wherever i want...but they seem to have plans even if i tell them i wanna go out days earlier..sometimes i feel that their fren are more important than i am...but i am not angry at them..juz hate myself for being useless and a total dependant freak..i seriously need to drive...

this is not the 1st time i got ready to go out but only to be told that i have to cancel my plan due to transportation problems..take benteng's outing as example...last week, bentengs are suppose to hang out at chong nam but i couldn't make it cuz my aunt was quite late and by the time i reach there,they would've left..so i changed into my pyjamas after waiting for an hour plus...another time was when i wanna go c the artiste in prangin mall..it was a saturday..that day was the worst..cuz pao told me she can fetch me so i changed at 1 something and waited for her till 4 something...i did not blame her cuz she had plans with her frenz and she has transport to go so there is no reason for her to change her plans bcuz of me..so it comes down to me being useless for not pretty enuf to have a bf and not smart enuf to drive..furthermore my mum was busy shopping and no one can fetch me..i was rather sad bcuz of that as i really wanted to attend the 8tv tour mall..thank god i made it the next day though i was late as well...again bcuz mum went to fetch che from airport..

mayb the only person who is at wrong is me as i couldn't drive..and also me for being sick at the wrong time and heal at the wrong time..bcuz when i was sick,they were pretty free..and now that i am ok,no one is free to b at home anymore..i am usually at home alone or with my grandma who is another kesian one..at times i feel that everyone has their live except for both of us...ah win alwiz say i very "hong so" bcuz i go out almost every weekend..but she din know that if i dun go out now,after pao goes back,i have no chance to do that anymore..mum alwiz go out alone and come back late at nite esp when pao is not around..and che is never early from home..it sux to b at home and juz stare at the comp or tv...but i am not gonna complain bcuz at least i am still alive to be bored... =)