Kwok Fai at QB 14/07

For 14/07. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO *YOU*

I went to see Kwok Fai in Queensbay on Saturday. He is scheduled to reach at 7.30p.m but because my grandma wanted us to get her dinner, we were late. My grandma did not eat that dinner either cause she went out with my aunt. Double smack head. Anyway, got there late but luckily Kwok Fai was not there yet. I had not taken my dinner but I got no time to eat anymore, rushed to the stage area and met up with Ju-Yen and sister, Chun Yiun, Sevvy, Soursand and few other KL pinkies. Was glad to meet up with Sevvy and Soursand after such a long time. Chun Yiun was the one who introduced me to Kwok Fai's songs with the help of Ju-Yen. Lol, Chun Yiun sold me the album through Ju-Yen mar. Anyway, I had a great time. He was not exactly the guy I will gilakan but I gilakan his songs. So how? Track 2 is awesome. I love it. There are few more songs I like but I can't remember the track. Just remember that I listen to it again and again.

I guess pictures will definitely be more interesting than my ramblings. So here goes.

Kwok Fai in green. I was in green too.

Singing his songs.

Sing sing sing

this one is cute. He is smiling. =P

I personally love this shot actually

This I think is because he was looking at his friends.

We went out to see him off and took a final group pic with Ju-Yen, her sis and Shirley before saying our goodbyes. After that, my sis and I went to hunt for food. We bought some sushi, and Aunty Annie's or something. It was a great night.

Kwok Fai and I. =) Thanks JY.

Us and Kwok Fai. =)

Kwok Fai in his car taking pictures of us.

kwok fai kwok fai in the car. =P

It was a great evening. =P More pics with Shirley. Anyway, the last 4 pics from Ju-Yen's camera. I lazy take out my camera.

MUET

I know I know, many people blogged about it already. Everyone has been talking about their results but what can I do?? I got no time to blog about it. I am too tired and finally, today, I decided to online a while and blog about my MUET. Guess what?? I'll be talking about Daniel and Kwok Fai in another two post. So heh, I guess this will be the most interesting post among the three post today. Not many enjoys my chase-artiste adventures. =P

16th July 2007. 12.05 a.m. Me chatting with Shan. Purple-Shan, Maroon- Me

							try sms ya?
							itz funny to send it to the superstar one though
							lol
							i send ki liao
							correct wor
							they ask to send again one
							yea
							lets send again
							time d boey?
							ahhhhhhhhhhhh
							lagi scary k
							duno la
							wait few min lo
							ahhhhhhscary
							duno lar
							yala
							wait a while summore
							stupid..i wasted 60cents d...
							ur ic gt senpang anot
							no wor
							hee
							muz ah?
							u send 2 d?
							i duno
							i put wor
							eh....ngiap say can d wor
							wait
							really
							wit or without
							she noe d a
							not yet
							they not yet reply
							u got get the reply saying it will activate at 12.01?
							I am dying inside
							yaya
							ya
							stupid eh la
							if my result bad, tml i dowan go to school lar
							so cold rite nw
							oh got
							i mean oh god
							i am feeling sick
							ngiap got her result d...
							oo means can d la
							lets go
							ask her gt dash anot
							shit
							scared
							she just number leh
							send d
							cross finger
							i am so so so scared...
							can I not read?
							brEathe in, BreAthe out
							do it with me
							oh no....i am about to throw up
							no reply yet
							no reply tooo
							i am in tears d lar
							even b4 the result is out
							i got cold feet
							faster can ar da reply
							i kenot wait d lar
							AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
							shit shit shit
							i go toilet
							ahhhhhhhhhhh
							gt d??
							no
							u?
							ok
							got it now
							what's urz 1st?
							u gt da ar?
							yes
							i tak dapat lagi la
							but i dun dare to open how?
							y y tak ada reply eh
							i so scared lar
							ahhhhhh
							wish me luck

Anyway, I sent 3 sms before I get my results okay?? Call me kiasu, kiasi I also don't care. I just have to check through sms because I would be so nervous the next day, I won't be able to study at all. So I only got my results at the 3rd sms.

1st message I got from my 1st sms was,

RM0.30 Keputusan MUET melalui SMS akan diaktifkan mulai 16/7/07, 12.01 a.m. Sila taip MUET hantar ke 39003.

ps: 39003 is the number you send to vote for Superstar in Project Superstar, I kept that number in my contact list.

When I send that message, it was already 12.05a.m. But I got two message like that. So I decided to wait. I chat with my friends until one of them, Ngiap Ai, told me she got hers already.
I send another one and waited. I waited and waited and waited. No reply. I got cold feet and stuff and even went to toilet a few times. Then, it came. I stare at my handphone screen and started running around my house with my phone. So worried and I dare not read the message. Got my eldest sister scolding me " SIAO AH?" before I came back to senses and read it.

RM0.30/SMS
MP109/1045
880407XXXXXX
MUET SCORE:
Band Achieved5

Then I started hopping around the house screaming band 5 band 5. I then told my friends who were busy checking with me. I initially thought I would get band 4 only and even dreamt of getting band 3. I told Wei Wei about it and she went to check it too. She got Band 5 as well. A couple of my friends got band 4 and finally, the torture is over. I could not sleep that night. Silly me. Band 5 only ma. My class also got 3 people got it lar. I think my whole school got over 10 people got it. Some more got one got band 6.

Anyway, went to school, feeling sleepy. Got through some lame morning assembly. Asking people what they get. So excited to wait until 10 a.m. When it was 10a.m, they say 11a.m only can get result. Potong stim betul. Anyway, we lost control when we saw Mr. Ooi. Not that we usually would anyway. It was just because of the stack of MUET results he has in hand. Got our slip and waited for everyone to get it before tearing the sides and open it.

Phew, thank god the answers from Swee Hong's tuition is wrong. I got 1 mistake only for my listening unlike what I checked earlier from their answer sheets. Their answer sheets showed that I got 6 mistakes okay? Worst in my life time I think. I got pretty good marks for my Writing which I got 60/75. I really want to read what I wrote, I can't really remember actually. My speaking was average with just 32/45 and I think of all papers, I got the worst for my Reading Comprehension. I score only 108/135. 10 mistakes. What can I do? I almost fell asleep reading the articles okay? I am not very disappointed that I did not get band6 because I am 18 marks away from band 6. I got mid band 5 with 242/300. I wanted to show that I am happy but I feel that some people might be disappointed with their results and I had to like hide a little lar. But I am glad I got band 5. Nightmares over. Thank god.

Busy week

I have yet to study but I've got so many events to attend. I am going to be busy today and tomorrow and then back to school to get my MUET results which I think will be rather devastating. I am totally freaked out. But no, I am not going to let MUET-results-to-be to make me lose interest in my events this weekend. Nothing is going to bring me down.

Been listening to Kwok Fai's song lately. Well, every night before I go to bed and every morning when I wake. I really really like song 'Fen Shou De Na Yi Tian' and that 'Wo Bu Hui Wang Zi'. I listen to it over and over again. Initially, I was only interested in 'Xia Yi Pian Tian Kong' but now I am falling in love with all his songs. His album Voise is a worth buying album. I am currently hunting for Karen Kong's album which I think I will be able to get in Hong Kong Videos. Going to Queensbay tonight so I hope I can get it. I am also listening to Daniel's album and Zhang Dong Liang and S.H.E. It was such a waste that Zhang Dong Liang decided to go to Auto City and not Penang so I missed the chance to see him personally which I think would be really really great. S.H.E is coming to Penang on the 11th of August and Yi Lin promised to follow me go airport and chase S.H.E. Hope I get to go PISA to see them. I simply love Ella.

Today, I am going to see Kwok Fai at Queensbay. His event will start at 7.30pm so be there. I have not met him personally but I think it would be a great event with the great songs he will be singing. I am so excited and thrilled. Our local singers are getting so much better, we should listen to local songs. BUATAN MALAYSIA also good okay???

Tomorrow, I am going to watch Harry Potter at 12pm then at 5pm, Daniel Lee is coming to Gurney Plaza. Which means I get to see Daniel again. Been doing his board and I still need to touch up a little but I think it will look great. Probably will ask Shan's help to print me some pictures. =P Hope Shan will online. Anyway, Daniel's new album is really really something worth buying. I mean his first album was not this good. I am loving almost every song in it. 'Duo Bu Guo', 'Lai Bu Ji', 'Sui Yi Men', 'Love is under the sky', 'Yuan Liang Wo' and ' Ni Sheng Ri Kuai Le Ma?'. That is 6/8 Chinese songs in his album. I love the other two English and Malay songs too. While the other two that I did not mention, I love them too. But I prefer the songs I stated. I simply love his new album and can't wait to see him. Shan and Yi Lin will be coming too. This will be so so so good. =P

Daniel and Shung Shung. Cuties.

Till I get photos from this events.

'Bang Bang Tang' is a new boy band just like 'Hei Se Hui Mei Mei' I think. Just that 'HSHMM' is the girl version. This 'Bang Bang Tang' is like students for Fan Wei Qi if I am not wrong while 'HSHMM' are from Blackie's show. HSHMM are a bunch of really cute and pretty girls. There's even one with damn cute voice and some may find it irritating but with her face, she is just simple adorable. . Haha. Actually, I don't know much la. But I like one song that BBT sang 'Ai Qing Xue Che'. Although they do not have strong vocals, this song is kind of nice. I like it since the day I listen to it on the radio. Lately, Taiwan has been coming up with many good looking boy bands with so so vocals. I think they should go to classes or trainings to improve their vocals. They can sing, just not good enough. Not even in the studio. I love Fahrenheit but I have to say that they need classes. I love their songs but I think they can do better. But no doubt, they are superb good looking. And despite their weaknesses, people still want to see them. Fahrenheit has been earning a lot by selling those pictorial book of them. I can't afford one yet because they are either RM39.90 or RM61.00 for the new one. I saw two with RM15 and RM29.90 I think but I just don't feel that it is worth it. Not yet. =P

I think this guy is cute. I don't know his name though. One member from Bang Bang Tang. Is it Wang Zi?

cute cute cute. But I forgot the name. =P I took a long time to know the members of Fahrenheit okay? So bear with me

I think they will do good. Look at how cute he is.

What's so good about Form6?

Since Ah Shan wants me to write on this, I will write to give her some face. =P You can agree and disagree but don't shoot me ok? I am just saying this from my point of view.

WHY IS FORM6 GOOD?? DID YOU REGRET ENTERING FORM6?
No, I did not regret and will not regret.

Form 6 is actually the best choice I've made so far. When you are in Form6,
- you get to look at your cute cute Form1 junior every single day *very nice*
- you do not have to think what to wear to school.
- you will be sitting at the same place for the whole year and you even get to keep your books under the desk!
- the teachers will know you very well. *if you return to your secondary school*
- you will get many many many post because the teachers know you and you join the same clubs and societies.
- there's no problem in looking for the toilet or class.
- you get a lot of short short holidays. *If you get a long one, you will eventually get bored and started to waste your holidays away watching youtube.*
- there's lots of unnecessary activities that will make you skip a day of school. *eg: Hari Karnival, gotong-royong, Hari Sukan, Hari Anugerah Cemerlang, teacher's meeting*
- you will have a lot of juniors. *who one way or another look up to you.*
- you will have many friends because you got many juniors who know you for years already.
- you still get to go to school at 7.35 a.m and leave at 2p.m.
- afternoon naps and tea time can be enjoyed at home and not in the college's library.
- teachers don't mark your homework. And there's very few assignments to complete.
- you will have to take only 5 subjects for the one year and a half.
- you get to watch movies. *hee for my case nia*
- you get a second chance to be serious in your life. *after SPM. I doubt that I will be who I am today without entering Form 6.*
- you get to see lame looking tortoise in your school compound. HUGE one. *haha. I run out of things to say*
- you get so many chances to try before the super damn huge exam comes.
- you do not have to retake that certain subject if you fail any normal exams. *of course you can't screw up your STPM! *
- all your examinations are being paid for.
- there's many funds and scholarship that you can apply in hope to get some extra cash with no string attached. * I got my RM100 that way. =) *

This is my case. =)
- get to meet this bunch of friends that I will never ever regret getting to know. *I'll probably have sucky friends in college.*
- get to learn to go PBA and library to study and at the same time, wash my eyes too. =) I tell you, not all guys who study a lot is nerdy looking okay?? They have handsome guys for that type too.
- get to learn how the library system works from my numerous visits to our school library. Thanks to the librarians who are my buddies.
- get to learn life's precious lesson. when one door closes, there's always another window opened for you.
- able to enjoy last one and a half year of being controlled. I am not ready to go out yet. =(
- able to go back to the memories I left unfinished in 2005.
- able to go back to the familiar place and enjoy it to the maximum.
- was given the chance to sing patriotic songs which are my favourite. *Tanah Pusaka =P*
- was given the chance to be tai ka jie again.
- learnt that I should not judge a book by its cover. *right shan?*
- learnt that I am very much loved.

Oh lazy wanna think d lar. =P So, all in all, I will not trade a place in college for my Form6. I love Form6. I love U6V1 2007. I love studio Picaso. I love my place with a wall blocking all the wind.
I love my sitting partner although we quarrel every day. I love the way I get to turn to the back to talk to shan every day. I love the questions cheng ling likes to ask me. I love calling yi lin's name. I love kacau-ing and be amazed by jas lyn's magic. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! =)

-end of form6 post-

Mission Impossible.

So as to live up to the teacher's comment, I WILL....no no..I wont stop talking lar. That is seriously Mission Impossible liau. Anyway, I WILL TRY NOT TO ONLINE!!!!! On weekdays and online a while on weekends.

I so need to study, to go library, to go PBA, to go anywhere I can do my homework and do my revision. So don't expect me to online or update my blog often. Then again, here like no people one. HARLO?? (echo: HARLO??HARLO??HARLO??)

Anyway, let's live on Econs, Maths, PA and Accounts books now. I don't have my whole lifetime for that. So yes, my mission which do not have much future la. I mean I will surely fail one. BUT NO NO. CONFIDENCE!!!!

So, yea. I will update on Daniel and Kwok Fai and Harry Potter if I get to watch it though. So watch out for that three. As for the rest, unless I really can't help it, else, no way.

5 things you should do before 'Parents Day'.

#1- Let your parents know your results first.
Suspense is good. But only when you get really really good results. If not, better to let them know first. At least it is better to let them scold you at home than curse you in the school. Or if they got weak heart, later faint in school, get to go into newspaper front page for free. So let them know your results. Don't keep it from them. And please la, study harder for Mid-Year can? Parents are going to get the results and meet the teachers leh. Lazy also, at least get a pass for all for Mid-Year lar. 2 marks to pass also can.

#2- Warn them about the teachers.
No, no. Not telling them which teacher is not-ok. Just let them know you are less likable in which class. Let them have 'sam lei chun pei' (bersiap-sedia). Like me, I am a little more naughty in Econs class so I told my mum that. And just brief her on what the teacher will most probably say. Gave her taklimat and tell her precisely what's the teacher's name. Even spell out for her. For example, I spelled K-H-O-O to her. I even make sure she got it right, I spelled K for Kangaroo, H for hamster, O for ostrich and O for owl. Ha-ha. People use country, I use these cute animals. =)

#3- Talk to her every day about it until she is bored of it.
Tell her what your teacher will probably say bout you and what's her name every day for one week. Even remind her about the 'Parents' Day' every other hour. The possibility of her feeling bored about it to listen to it so many times and when the teachers repeat the same thing, it'll be so bored, she won't even be angry is quite high. Unless your mother can survive through that 'Macbeth' story and tell you its nice, then I guess it won't work. I can't stand that movie. Anyway, this move can save all those unnecessary lecture after that. =)

#4- Teach her what to say.
Give her some rough idea of what she can answer to the teacher. Some parents are not actually angry with their kids for getting complains. It is just that they do not know what they should say to the teacher and it makes them look silly. That is why they are angry. They feel that you are the one who put them through this embarrassing moment and eventually venture their anger on you. So teach them what to say. You know your teachers better, so, give them a rough idea of what to say. Like me, I told my mum to tell my Econs teacher *if she complains that I talk too much* that I inherited this talk-too-much genes from my mum. How smart? Now I am not even at wrong. I am innocent. O:)

#5-Last advice. Something you really really should bare in mind. Even more important than the suspense thing.
NEVER EVER FOLLOW YOUR PARENTS TO GET THE RESULTS!!!!! Listen to me properly. This is a total no-no. You can keep your parents in suspense and got them scolding you in their heart or even out loud at school but it is better if you are not around at that time. Do not follow them. Get some excuses, stomach ache, sick, anything. Just do not go with them on that day. Especially if you decided to keep them in suspense. Double dosage I tell you. The possibility of you getting scolded in front of your friends, cute juniors and teachers is very very very extremely high. Unless you are an angel and you want to get praises in front of those people I mentioned la. Even if you practised all the 4 steps above, you might still get scoldings. You make mistakes. How sure are you that you did not accidentally or purposely leave that I-argued-with-the-teacher's incident out? Don't risk it. Even if your Econs teacher end up calling you a horrible candidate for business. It is not worth it. And you know how some parents enjoy slipping some not-so-proud moments of you. At times, it is better to be ignorant.

If you do not have a sporting parents or you did really really bad in school, keep that notification letter la. But remember, suspense is not a very good thing because when people got something they don't expect, please expect some really really funny or scary or not usual reaction. It is after all reflexive action or something like that. So think again if you want to keep your parents in suspense.

That's all for the tips. =P

To live or to die?

Today is the day all students detest the most. Well, maybe a little lesser compared to exam day and extra classes day. Today is the 'Meet The Parents Day' or 'Parents Day' for Georgians. If you think you can get away from all the argue-with-teacher, skip class or any other not-so-brilliant things you do in class or school, think again. Unless of course you did not even pass the letter of notifications to your parents la. And hey, not all those big 'crimes' matters in school only. All the talk-louder-and-more-than-teacher or the I-forgot-to-bring-my-homework excuses are not going to be erased just like that. Worst still if you have such enthusiastic parents who will go to each and every teacher to ask about your result. And they will be having such a pleasant talk behind your back and you will have no clue of what they said.

Well I belong to the talk-louder-and-more-than-teacher students and yes, I have a mother who is that enthusiastic, she even went back to my Form5 History teacher to just say hie. And they talked about how many daughters my teacher has. And and she even talk to my Bowling Club teacher advisor. Well, that one is ok because that teacher used to be my primary school music teacher. I was under her before. But hey, can just find the teacher who taught me this year? I scared scared leh. See? I inherited this talkative genes from her!!! -.- So of course I won't get scolding for that. Besides, my result, not bad what. =P

So I guess I can summarize a little of what the teachers said about me. =)

1st teacher. None other than our class teacher cum Econs teacher, Pn Khoo.
- Not bad
- Quite hardworking *huh? I am?*
- talks a little too much *make that a lot*

SHE PRAISED ME!!! And I was giving my mum warning before that to cool down if this teacher says anything bad about me because I am damn naughty in her class. VERY NAUGHTY!

The rest, I don't know which come 1st d. =P
P.A.- Pn. Alimaton not around so mum went to see Pn Sharifah Ghany *don't mind the spelling please*
- Can get four flat. *blink blink blink. korek my ear, what? I get 37 for my Maths leh. How to get four flat?
- Need to read more and look at the graphs.
- Can go to school library to get other reference *promote school library la tu.*

Maths- Mr. Khor
- Should buy the revision book. Federal Publications one.
- Can ask questions if don't understand
- The class never ask questions so I thought they understand.

Accounts - Mr. Koay
- Well, we all know he is slightly a little blur and a lot cute. So nothing much
- He asked my mum to tell me to go school library to look at the reference book. All promoting the library lar.

MUET- Miss Yeoh
* Mum spent the longest time there*
- Good. Get 2nd highest in class. *blush. English nia mar.*
- Helpful, responsible *hee. I am the MUET rep lar.*
- Even say my mum should be proud to have a daughter like me!!! *WAH!!*
- Can get Band 5 for MUET. *after looking at my listening and reading, I wave to my imaginary Band5. Sorry to let anyone down. SORRY!!*
- Our batch of SGGS-ians hardworking. Good. *BENTENG RAWKS!!!*
- Showed my mum my previous MUET results.
- Commented that Georgians in our class are good.
- All can do well
- Talked a little on what we are doing right now and about the MUET exams to mum.
- Told her bout the Heaven & Earth story and how she stand in front of the television when its the censored part.
- Told mum that we are watching 'The Sound Of Music'

So yea, that's about all. Haha. Overall, good leh. Only one teacher complained I talk too much and that's Pn. Khoo. But she mentioned that I am good too. So, yea, Form 5 and Upper6 I get good comments. I am no longer the good for nothing talkative Ping. =)

And here's what I got from Win. I was talking to my sister about it. Haha.

* ping ping's little lex and brax. * says:
ah win kena complain say she talk to her friends too much in class
* ping ping's little lex and brax. * says:
and that very cute friend of hers is none other than ME... =D

*Sorry Win. Let's talk less!! Our tak pernah berjaya punya mission.

Do feelings fade?

16 months passed in a blink of eye,
Our story ended so long but did the flame die?
No matter how convincing I sound, we all know its a lie,
But what do you expect? For me to admit and cry?

Why is it that you are the only one I see?
We all know it has never meant to be,
We were not like honey and bumble bee,
We have even stopped feeling happy.

Each night I find myself reminiscing our history,
How I loved you, your mum and even your family,
How I used to laugh and sounded so contented and happy,
And how I wish that in years to come you will still remember me.

There's one question I longed to ask,
'Do you remember?' if I must,
All those beautiful memories that's so fragile, just like glass,
Though not alive, but they all lasts.

Your disappearance got me all worried and sad,
But your existence make me even more upset,
I don't know what I want or wish to get,
But right now, these feelings are making me mad.

July '07
pingping

ps: ignore all those weird weird part. It is not meant to have perfect English. It is just to express oneself. =) and no, don't check my English please. Thank you.

pps:
happy birthday che. =) belated one. love you. Hope you like the card I gave you.

Xing Kong Cast In QB

Well, er on the 24th of June, I went to Queensbay to see Xing Kong cast. I wanted to see Mei Sim and Gabe so much. Yes, I am not a big fan of John but I adores Mei Sim. I loved her ever since Superstar 2006. So my main purpose that day was to see her. Almost every girl there were chasing after John while me, I jump like mad when I saw Mei Sim.

That day, I reached late too. I wonder if its like my style already to be late for anything at all. When I got there, I got lost. I thought Coffee Bean was Starbuck. Blame their style to look alike. Anyway I did not know where was Starbuck and ran like mad in the mall. Got there just to see the cast already standing there talking. Haha, so much of chasing an artiste. They got there even earlier than I did. Anyway, found Yi Lin and Ju-Yen and started taking pictures.

I had fun persuading Yi Lin to get the album but too bad to no avail. She did not buy it. Neither did I. We had fun kacau-ing each other though. It is so fun to tempt Yi Lin to get the album. If it wasn't for KFC right behind us and she comparing the prices of a plate of KFC to the album, I would have succeeded. She decided that she would use the RM25.90 to get two plates or even 3 plates of KFC. So KFC vs Ping Ping. I lost. =(

The cast in Xing Kong are

Mei Sim as Xin Mei

John as Jun Hao

Ping Ping as Yuki. *no, not me. She is so much prettier*

Gabe as Ivan *not sure.forgot*

And below the middle one is Gary and I can't remember his name in the show either.
They sang,played games and signed the albums. You know what? It happened so long ago, I don't know what to write anymore. Ha-ha. Will post up pictures la. Nothing much to talk about because I was not on the stage taking signatures from them you see.

Please allow me to SS *syok sendiri* here. See on the banner. Daniel Lee Chee Hun, Ping Ping. =) I am a happy happy girl. I took a lot of shots of this to make sure it is clear. Ha-ha. Anyone can get me the poster or the postcard but I want this to be on it. Daniel Lee Chee Hun, Ping Ping. Oh I enjoy syok sendiri-ing.

Ah Yoon was the host on that day. As much as I hate her, damn she is pretty too.

The cast. I wonder if they looked into my camera. =)

I love Mei Sim. So pretty. =)

After that event, we ran here and there just to bump into Mei Sim and yes, I did bump into her and said" MEI SIM!!!!" she smiled and waved. After that, my friend scolded us for we only shouted for Mei Sim, totally ignoring Yoon and Ping Ping. =P What to do? We can only shout one name in that short time.

Mei Sim. She might not the be prettiest girl in the world but I somehow feel nice looking at her. I don't know why. So no critisizing please. And no, the one in black is not me. Its their PA. And oh by the way, these two pictures don't come easy. It requires practise from merentas desa to dash all the way to the other side to take pictures. How stupid was I? They were walking la my dear, can walk also. Unless of course they walk damn fast. As fast as you run la.

Their van. They had lunch in QB but I did not see them. Took a picture with their van though. But the picture is not with me.

That's all for the Xing Kong roadshow. =)

Is this what I want?

I hate explaining things. Blogging has become harder ever since I know my family reads them. I just need a life where nobody questions me. I hate to write this and go back to a curious family who ask about everything. I am so sick of it. I really feel like changing my blog again.

I have been thinking. Is this what I really want? Shutting myself out from the world out there. I told myself again and again that I will never want to go back to who I was one year and a half ago. I do not want to go back to the person I can't be true to. I don't want to lie to myself and other people and keep thinking that things will work out fine although deep down I know, nothing is right since the beginning. The whole thing ever since the word 'yes' was a mistake. Although I enjoyed my mistake but mistake is still a mistake and it had to end. I do not want to repeat that again.

But am I happy? Am I forcing myself too hard? But it has already passed. One year and a half. Isn't it enough? It is definitely enough for him. It is harder now that we start talking again. The whole chipsmore action is not helping me much. It is killing me inside and I am starting to hate myself again. What have I done to deserve this? I told myself I am okay but I don't think that's the truth.

I am so sick of myself, I hate myself and I become moody again. But I cannot say for sure that it is because of his existence. Again, I don't know what is happening. It just happens and I can't control it. How can I be happy? How can I not think too much? I am so tired of acting. Of being someone I am not and showing whatever I am not feeling. I need him to just go. I need back my life, my life when he was not around and where he will never be around. I need myself back. I really really do.

I've decided to post this up. And I hope no one will question me and just silently, read and don't ask. Just don't ask. I do not want to answer any question.

ps: chipsmore act is something I learnt from Pinkies. It means 'now you see it, now you don't' meaning it comes and go very often.